Why i always root for the Disney villians.

My girls are Disney mad, in particular Disney princess mad. We have the dolls, the dresses, the castles. We have an overflow of Disney merchandise to be honest but I have a confession, I actually prefer the villains. Every time we rewatch one of the six billion Disney films we own, I am always rooting for the bad guy, yes their morals are shaky, but they just inspire a deep seated sense of admiration in me and I can’t really explain why, but I’ll give it a go. (There’s a fair chance it might just be because the villains get the BEST songs)

My all time favorite ever Disney movie is The Little Mermaid. I must have watched it well over a hundred times. Ariel was my princess, particularly as we are both red heads. Eric was my prince. Ursula, was my hero. I mean yes, she’s pretty evil, “ I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty, they weren’t kidding when they called me well, a witch” but I think it’s fair to point out Ursula made a fair deal, she was upfront about what Ariel had to give up, what she had to achieve and what her price was. She never agreed to not meddle in what happened after the deal was made. She gave her legs in exchange for her voice. Then she traded the sea king his daughter for his triton! I mean, she probably would of left Ariel and Eric alone after that but they persist on trying to kill her, can you blame her for blowing up like a balloon and trying to destroy them? Wouldn’t you go a little overboard if you had power of the ENTIRE SEA? I would.  And then of course, I always liked that Ursula was big and tentaclely but she walked and swooshed like she had the confidence of a supermodel, she embraced those curvy tentacles and she knew she was sexy. And of course she loved the hell out of those creepy little eels she had. Personally I don’t think Ursula was that bad, she was a strong woman, striving for power, and can you blame her for trying to get one over on a foolish girl who wanted to give up her tail for a man? Ursula was awesome.

I was also fairly obsessed with The Lion King as a kid, clearly this was an early insight into a later love of Shakespeare (The Lion King basically being Hamlet, with lions) and of course, loving the villainous side of Disney films means that Scar is my Lion King hero. I mean I can totally sympathise with Scar, he’s not a strong as his brother but he’s obviously much, much smarter. He would totally get the iron throne in Game of Thrones. He just wants a shot at being a leader, something that, his brother swiped off him simply by being physically stronger even though Scar knows that to rule, is much more than just brute strength, you need the smarts aswell. By the time of course he does murder his way into power, his mental issues have overcome him and he’s unable to leave the place he feels like he’s finally conquered. Which really, is his demise, that and of course, karma for all the murdering but still, I can totally understand Scar. His voice was pretty awesome too and he commanded a whole army of hyenas. Could you do that? No.

The kids are watching Aladdin at the moment so I’ll tackle Jafar next, forced to serve a clearly idiotic king who basically abused his poor parrot and spending the entire time being forced to listen to a Princess whining about having everything Jafar desires. It would piss me off too. Plus he also had the brains to find the key to the cave of wonders, the cave itself and the person who could enter it. Hello? How was he not the ruler. He was awesome. Also that goatee? Super cool. He was also the best dressed. Then along comes this thief? Who yes, is living on the streets but he’s also stealing from local business, no doubt pushing the prices up! Jafar was trying to do everybody a favor and what does he get? Locked in a lamp for all eternity. Totally unfair on Jafar.

Mother Gothel, she just wants to stay young and beautiful, like a animated Joan Rivers, and she was managing that just fine until the Royals sent their guards in to steal a magic she had found and utilized first. She didn’t even intend on stealing Rapunzel, she tried to take her hair first, the whole baby kidnapping scenario was a spur of the moment issue. Which I mean, she couldn’t of undone without getting her head lopped off. To be fair she did raise, clothe, feed and love Rapunzel like her own and by the time teenage Rapunzel is ready to jump out of the tower hair first Mother Gothel knows she will die without her. Self-preservation. Yes she does get a little crazy at the end, stabbing Flynn Ryder (although he was going to be hanged anyway soooooo) and chaining Rapunzel up but, she tried to do it the nice way and you know, she’s desperate not to die. Kill or be killed right? (Also Rapunzel totally goes back with her happily before she realises who she is and are we going to sweep aside the pub full of murderers and thugs?) The only people more awesome than Mother Gothel in Rapunzel are Max, Pascal and Gunther (he does interior design)

Gaston is another awesome villain. Nobody thinks, drinks, lifts, like Gaston, is as slick or quick as Gaston, nobody’s neck is as incredibly thick as Gastons and as an added bonus, he uses antlers in ALL of his decorating. He’s totally kitsch. What does he get for trying to save his village from the gigantic beast that lives in the castle? Attacked by a bunch of living furniture, a beast and then thrown off a roof. Harsh.

As for Sleeping Beauty and her rude parents, all that drama could have been avoided if they had just been as courteous as is expected of royalty and invited Maleficent to the presentation of their daughter. They totally asked for all the krap they got.

The evil queen is pretty evil, but she just wants to be the prettiest, she has insecurity issues and magic powers and a mirror that is totally driving her insane, Hades is literally the Lord of the Underworld, he’s just doing his job. Cruella de Ville just wants a new coat, shes like Anna Wintour with anger issues. Prince Hans is the youngest of like 16? Or 12 or something? Hes NEVER going to get his own throne and Elsa does ruin the city, nearly freeze everybody to death and actually freeze Anna. The wicked stepmother knew her husband didn't really love her and only loved his daughter, she also obviously needed a housekeeper she could trust (its hard to find good help)

So yes. I prefer the Disney villains. As I type this I am totally cheering on Jafar. I know the death/eventually punishment of basically all the villains is to send some great big moral message but, they all seem to have extensively severe mental issues. Does Disney not have an animated shrink somewhere?! Also this was so much fun to write because of the awesome gifs i got to add to it. Villains rule!